Listening, The Give And Take Sport

 We all have conversations with people that we care about quite frequently. I have to say though, there are times when we are not authentically listening. We have all done it at least a few times in our lives. That moment when you are on the phone with a person that just becomes spew central. What am I exactly referring to here? Well, plainly put, it's when we do not give the person on the other end of the call all of our attention. Its when we feel that we are getting verbally trampeled on. It can be dealt with in so many ways, but for the sake of this posting, I will just go with just having more patience with them. At some point in that call, you will get to speak and then you can either give your opinion or just be the golden ear that you were called on to be.

   With social media being what it is, if you have the luxury of speaking with your dearest friends consistently, you are fortunate. It seems that we find out so many things online that interaction is actually an afterthought now. Last week I had along conversation with one of my nest friends in this lifetime and at a certain point in the call she told me that she had realized that she had not asked me about myself at all and paused and apologized for it. She had been talking for almost a half an hour straight. I told her that I had given her all of my time and that we would have to speak again the next day if she wanted tot know what was going on with me. There was no anger or negativity.

   This topic comes up because a dear friend of mine told me that she was going to have to stop talking to one of her best friends because all she did was talk. At first I thought that her statement was kind of harsh, then I realized that what does not get managed, in due time goes awry. But more than that I began to rethink my own listening skills. I would say that I am a great listener, however, I am always a student, so this was a wake up call for me as well. We all should be heard whether we are having a great day or a completely disastrous one. The question is, who is that person that will listen to you and allow you to take your time to do so?

    The magic in this interaction for me was when I let the person on the other line know that I was always a sounding board for them no matter what. It does not always feel so great to dump all of our crap on someone else. However, a few select people know us and know our spirit. They have been bouncing off of it for many years now and they are comfortable being there for us. The truth of the matter is that when we listen closely, we almost always hear ourselves on the other line. Our pain is their pain and visa versa. Many people have a hard time admitting this and that is one of the major problems. When we listen, if we don't hear what we resonate with, at times we turn off. But then other times, we hear what we also are struggling with and its hard to connect with it because it is coming from another source that may in fact expose us as well. Then we will surely have to deal with it. I have been there, I have done that.

    In closing, there are definitely two sides to a conversation. I am not speaking of viewpoints as much as I am spaces to speak. When we give space, many times we get it back in return. There are most certainly times when we do not get it back as well.There have been times in the last 4 years or so that I swore certain people were being given some of my best attention and then they just disappeared never to call or to receive my calls at all. So remember that even when you are present and showing your love and compassion, it can still fall apart. Just remain on the course of constant compassion, love, and listening. This who receive it from you will always know that its authentic if it is. Keep listening with your heart instead of just your ego. I believe in you.



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