So You Think You Can Be A Friend?

  Ahhhhhhhh yes. We all have friends on some level right? But what does it mean really and truly to be a good one? Are you at liberty to say what you feel at any time? Can you offer your knowledge without sounding preachy or smug? What about the things that upset you? Can you bring any of them up at any time? These are just a few questions that swim through my mental aquarium almost daily.

   The journey of our lives puts us in contact with many different calibers of friends and we learn from all of them whether we choose to or not. I actually think that the ones who challenge us the most are the ones who prepare us for the ones that come along with the least resistance. In other words, we get to know what we don't want in a friend. Don't get me wrong though, this is not a posting with any anger or disdain for any particular person. This posting is about the things that go on in our own heads as it relates to what and who we are being to our closest friends.

    It had been said that a friend is someone that you can just show up raw with and everything will be just fine. However, if you find yourself tiptoeing or pulling back, that cannot be good can it? I mean let's face it, everything cannot be said to everyone right? I once heard a person say that everything that comes up in your head does not have to be spoken. I believe this for the most part. It's just that things are rarely received the way that they are meant to be. We all show up with a certain way of seeing things most times. Could it be that we see others the way we think that they see us or just the reverse?

    During a conversation today, a statement came at me that I found very negative and full of judgement. After it landed, I took a deep breath and let it go. I just listened. I am not sure that was the right thing to do, but that is what I did. They did not suspect anything for sure, because they just kept talking and that was that. Friends don't challenge everything that they don't agree with last time I checked. My opinions and my friend's opinions could be the exact opposite and we could still exist with almost no problem. I love that about a good friend.

     I can say this though, nothing prepares you for the moment when you question the strength and commitment of a particular friendship. If you look up the definition of friend, what do you find? I am doing that right now just to tell you what it says. It of course said a person who supports, stands for , or is there for another person. So I am thankful for those that I have around me of this caliber. Also, it's magic when a person can show you how to be a better friend to them without actually telling you. It's what they don't say that speaks volumes.

    In the end, when they call, speak up, or write to you, they generally care more than a little. If you can do that for them as well, you can usually glide through and be happy right along with them. A true friend has to dodge a few curve balls every now and then, but they still show up for the main event. When I say main event, I mean those moments that it's not that easy to stand up, but you do it anyway for them. When you have something so heavy to carry around with you, but you still let some of it go to make sure that you are there for your friend. You make space for them in other words. This is beyond gracious and so necessary. Big up to all of the good friends in my world and in yours too..



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