From The Perspective of She

  It goes without saying that as men we drop the ball sometimes as it relates to communicating with women. I say sometimes, because I believe that all men have a slightly different way of walking through this world and taking care of their business. I do not subscribe to the theory that, "All men do this or that." I think we all know and understand quite well that all men or women for that matter are certainly not created equal.

   So I sat on the other line of my trusty iPhone 6 listening to her speak of her position and how she felt. I listened intently and with as much compassion as I possibly could. This woman seemed to trust me with her inner feelings and I wanted to give her my fullest attention. As I felt her tone change almost every minute or so from the pure excitement of actually being listened to, I was understanding her point of view more and more as the seconds and minutes rolled on. Her point of view was one that truly seemed to want to be understood crystal clear with no smoke screens.

   I revel in the times that a woman speaks her mind to me on any level. I know for a fact that women just want to be heard. When they are heard, everything seems to simmer down easier and all is as smooth as cool whip on the end of a spoon. However, I don't hear too many men arriving at this point because they have a tendency to want to make sure that they are heard as well. I have been here and I work double hard to not be there again. So what is this all about? It's about being in the middle of a would be, could be, relationship and knowing that each party should just about face and regroup for a while.

    I heard both sides of their story, however, I did not think that I would be on the listening side as the female spoke to me with her heart on her sleeve. This woman was full of truth and drive. She spoke with a focus mixed with a certain authenticity that really stuck out. The issue was that what she was saying was not properly being heard by her target audience of one. He saw some red flags that blurred the lines if you will. So because he could not properly recover from them, each step was that much harder to take. I have known her all of 2 months only by phone. I have known him over 20 years.

    This exchange between this magnificent woman and I today, gave me some extremely valuable insights. Firstly, women do not expect us to "get it" each and every time. However, they expect us to have some foresight on how things will turn out if we choose to not pay attention to certain things. This is a dead zone for some men and a place of concentration for others. She made a few assumptions about other females in his life and she was incorrect. I did not have the guts to tell her so, but it really did hurt her in the end. Meaning, had she not inquired in a way that seemed like an accusation, she would have gotten a different response. Every one is innocent until proven guilty. The other side of the coin though, is that when we are close to snatching our prey, we may run faster and think less about how we approach it. Let that set in for a moment. Even as I wrote it, I had to stop mid sentence.

    So let's wrap this up. I became a silent mediator in a sense. I listened to both sides, said what I could to make both sides comfortable and well listened to, and then told them both to do what they feel going forward. A true mediator would have been in front of both parties simultaneously, I was not. I gleaned a few more things from this exchange. Firstly, when a man or a woman is bruised from the past, you do not have the power to change that. They will do it in their own time. Secondly, neither the man or the woman should be waiting for the "shoe" to drop as I have heard so many times before. This does not leave space for a new energy to enter at all. Its a mock way of saying, "Sure come in all is well when it is not." Lastly, how things are said are just as important as what is said. I have seen this go south time and time again. These gems are once again swimming around in my head.

     Just before I close, a small moment of clarity. If I have said anything in this posting to generalize women, know that it was not intentional. I respect you all and I am learning more about you each and every day. I have never met two identical female minds in my entire life. No matter how much I study this magnificent species, I still need more room in my books to decipher the codes and hidden meanings to many things. I love the journey though. It's all about the journey. Boom! Shakalaka!!!!

                                                                                        Chase


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