Operating Without All Of Your Tools

  I had to do what I love with about half of my instrument today. This is always a challenge, yet there is always such a huge learning curve. If you had to walk with just one leg or see with just one eye, how would you deal with it? So it was not as bad for me, but it gave me pause just the same. My voice is what I use to make my living, among other things. Today I woke up and knew from my first breath that I was under par and that I may have to push forward any way. I actually tried to not show up for my session today and my boss or bandleader told me that he needed me and to come anyway and do the best that I could.

   As a vocalist, I have learned to make do with what voice that I have when I have to show up and make things happen. At the same time, to not be in a place of full strength is humbling and can take a stab at the ego. When this happens, any training that I have received prior to these moments is immediately exposed. In other words, I have to step up and concentrate on what is really important. In these moments, all that is important is the present moment. What we have in the present is what we have to work with and that is that. Not always having all of your strength is human and very normal.

   I was hard on myself today for sure. I have to admit it and take responsibility for it on all levels. Nothing was destroyed or placed in jeopardy at all. The unsettled vibrations that I felt were all generated by me and my own inner voice. I did verbalize the fact that my voice was not in tip top shape, yet, my band mates were supportive and let me know that they could cover what I could not handle. This was comforting and made me feel a bit better. I was having a huge conversation with myself inside that was not exactly all the way positive. It was all for naught. I had to be exactly were I was and so I did just that.

   When we find ourselves in a place of vulnerability or deficit of some sort, we must endure and keep the ship sailing forward. I write this because I need to hear and see these words as well. It is said that it's generally darkest right before its light. I have not always believed that, however, it has been true more and more as I mature and have had to deal with more unique challenges. Thank goodness that everything does not work out perfectly or for the good of us every time. How would we know how to jump over hurdles or take hits and get cut and brush it off? I am thankful for days like this.

   Thank you for reading this blog once again. Stay strong, and always remember that perfection is not a destination that is real. Our imperfection is what makes us all perpetually beautiful. If we can constantly say that to ourselves, we will have more days of smiles and less days of disappointment. Be well.



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