Breaking Down The Breakdown
I love to help others in any way that I can whenever I can. The challenge however, is that when you step into the fire of another, you have to shoulder some of their struggle to move forward as well. A few of my closest friends are going through some issues right now and I feel for them and I am doing all that I can to lift them up while they seem to be mentally sinking. Its anything from money to relationships to just plain not being happy with where they are in life at this current moment. To be a good friend or buddy or co pilot is not always easy.
Whenever we find ourselves up against a a seemingly insurmountable circumstance, there is always a way to diffuse it. The issue becomes how,when, and most times, who can help me to rise above this mess? So we reach out to those that may be able to shed even a glimpse of hope onto our dark situation. I believe that we learn most about ourselves and others most when things are not going well. When things are going well, the mind is not challenged at all. We can drift along in cruise control and let the breeze flow through our hair. So the question then becomes, how much feedback do our challenging times offer us? In my humble opinion, its the best time to take copious notes on what we are truly made of deep inside.
What I love the most about the times that make us afraid, or tentative, or emotional, is that it seems like with just one shift in our thoughts, we can redirect an entire catastrophe into a strawberry filled plate of bliss. The other thing that I love is that there is always another perspective that shows us that its not all that bad what we are going through. Somewhere in the world right now, a person has just lost the person that they love the most to a freak sudden death. Somewhere right now, a woman or man has just been fired from their high paying job ad does not know how their family will eat next month. Somewhere right now, a person was just told that they have 60 days to live at best. Whats my point in writing these situations? Well, I am just making it crystal clear is that its always worse somewhere else. Your situation is unique to you and embracing it is is key.
I notice the different ways that my closest friends deal with their particular breakdowns, as I am sure they notice how I deal with mine. Sometimes they seem more like break ins than breakdowns, if you know what I mean. Anyhow, what matters most to me is that I remain present and not in the past. I keep getting strong reminders that all of the best solutions are in the present moment. One of my favorite expressions is that you cannot solve a problem with the same mind that got you into in from the beginning. So I ask myself these questions when I am in that place of surrender :
How am I responsible for arriving here?
What are my most accessible resources that I can use right now?
Who can I call that may be able to even partially aid me?
What can I do to assure that this never happens again?
What can I change today that I can do consistently to strengthen this deficit?
What am I prepared to lose in order to gain clarity with this matter?
These questions really lift me out of any situation in a very rapid fashion. I continually work through these and they are challenging at times, trust me. I am no expert at them. I am just a very diligent student who never leaves class without pages of mental and/or physical notes from my everyday life. I was reminded a few days ago by a quote that I read that when others have breakdowns and leak out on you, remember to not take it personal. This is such a powerful lesson because we really want to make it about us and it almost never is. That is such a fascinating, yet common faux pas that we keep revisiting.
So in closing, be gentle with yourself. Take your time and allow yourself to step into the imbalance with grace and sensitivity. There are no perfect human beings from here to Bangladesh. The day that you are sure that you are perfect, is the day that you have chosen to start from the beginning just like a kindergarten student. Our breakdowns are our best teachers. They start within and they push all the way through us so that we can see them very clearly. They shall not be ignored, yet they are itching to be broken down at the same time. Think about it. You may now imperfectly carry on with a big Kool Aid smile on your face. The best is still yet to come. Did you think that you could flow through with an EZ pass? Sorry, EZ passes are only effective when you use them in your car. The funny thing about that is that the more you pay, the longer the pass lasts. You get my drift? Thank you for being here..