How Are You? / The Negative Side Of Positivity

    This is a statement that has been watered down to know end. have you ever noticed that when you say this to someone, they say the same thing back to you? So the question is, what is the answer? I was at a food coop in my neighborhood and as I was checking out I asked the woman how she was doing. At first she said nothing. Then after another second she replied, "Oh, were you talking to me?" I replied,"Yes, I was." Her reply was, "I thought you were talking to someone else." I was a bit surprised and then she topped it off by saying, "I just assume that people don't really care when they say that." My entire brain opened up like a fillet fish on the side of frying pan. This statement made my mind propel and vibrate. Then I began to delve deeper into this concept.

    I asked myself if I really did care how she was doing? My answer to myself was,"Yes, I did care." Then I thought to myself, so how does one human truly convey authentic care for one another? Well this answer is different for every last person, let's just be real. I wound up having a great conversation with this woman and leaving her smiling. So at the very least, I felt that I had lifted her up even just a little bit. The other question that floats in my head is, did I change her perception of that question or was that just a throw away situation for her? I did tell her that I really did care how she was feeling. I asked her because she was smiling when I approached the register and I thought it would be cool to know why she was so happy. She will never know that was my reason now, but it was. Are you asking people how they are doing because its whats common, or do you really care? Sit with that for a moment.

     This morning I was listening to a program on the radio that was discussing how people who have terminal diseases or close to it are treated by their closest friends. Basically it was touching on the fact that some of them did not like when their friends tried to get them to see the positive side of things while they were just miserable. Statements like, "Keep you head up!! Everything will work out for the better.", or "If you are positive , you can beat this!" and so on. The bottom line was this, most people just want you to be there and be present. This message was loud and clear and it was a popular one. One woman even said that there is no medical proof that a person being positive has helped them live longer. I am not in agreement with that statement at all for my own personal reasons. However, I do believe that presence is a great healer.

      The conversation also touched on the fact that some patients feel guilty because they are not being positive and therefore are making themselves sicker in the process. I know from experience how hard it can be to be around an energy that is negative consistently, yet you love and care for them, so you will do anything to help them. What I normally do is not give any particular attention to the negative remarks, yet provide some open areas for them to land without any judgements. Its difficult, yet it can really be the difference that is needed. Belief is more important than hard cold facts or diagnosis in my world. If someone beat the disease, then you can be the second. If no one has ever beat the disease, then you can be the first. We all have paradigms, and that just happens to be mine. It does not mean that its right or that it will work for everyone.

       The comfort that we bring to one another arrives on many levels and in many ways. how to deal with each person is a life long process. I have a few friends in my life that challenge me each and every time that we interact and I still show up for them. Some of them are hurting from past things, others are just set in their ways, and some are just crying out for help in their own special way. My modus operandi is this, I just remain positive and open for as long as I can without my head exploding. Actually, I make sure that I pull away before that happens. I have not been completely successful with that in the past, but that is part of the process of being human isn't it? In my opinion, the only negative side of being positive is that there aren't more people who will even give it a try long enough to see if it even works. Signing off for now with a positive charge that I send to you. Be strong, do life...



Unknown said…
This is a little random, but I just want to say I'm so happy I found your blog! Seems to be perfect timing! And - in response to one of your other blogs - I know someone else who mentioned Uversa, and I plan to go to Union Square and see if she is around very soon. :) Thanks so much and I look forward to reading more!

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