Feeding The Inner You / Kundalini Day 15

   Last evening I allowed myself to go somewhere in my brain that was toxic. I went back after being triggered by something I saw on Facebook. I know very well that things are what we make of them, not what we see. So after I swallowed this information like a spoonful of soup, it cost me at  least three hours of my sleep last night. Put  more clearly, I decided in my mind that someone that I respect highly, did not tell me about a gig that I always do and gave it to someone else. I also decided that they did so because a certain other person was on the gig. This is all in my head and none of it is confirmed at all. Now you might being saying to yourself, "WHAT?"!!!!! Let me explain. This practice has made me a bit sensitive in general to what is going on around me these days. That is a good thing because I am acting from a place of care and authenticity and that is great. The other side of that is, the voice on our heads is always on call at a moments notice to come and wreck havoc on us if we just open the door a little bit. Nothing that I thought was confirmed as the truth yet to this moment.

  So today was a beautiful class and it was so because the thing that I brought to my mind was magically dealt with in class today. The teacher asked a magic question before a certain mantra. She asked,"What is it that you want more than anything right now in your life?". She asked us to pick one word that describes it. I came up with the word "union", quietly to myself. She then asked us to chant that word internally with the next few exercises. At that moment, she also began to talk about the way that we convince ourselves that we are not worthy or not being treated well or any one of those things. It was clear that she was making a point to highlight that we are more powerful than we will ever know based on what we choose to think about. We moved our legs forward and back in opposition like scissors while we were on our backs and bent our knees while we did it. Imagine riding a bike on your back. She said that this was an exercise to allow us to keep going through our strength when things get seemingly unbearable. I thought it was interesting how that connected to what I went through last night.  I took the lesson and it was powerful.

   There was even more breathing than there normally is today, but it felt good. I really needed it today as well. I must have inhaled over 350 times today by the end of the 90 minutes. There is also this cymbal that some of the teachers use when we are relaxing on our backs that was used today. It sends these vibrations through your body and puts everything at ease when you are laying there. I was careful to take it in and not think about how loud it got at one point. The class was very good though, and I was so happy to be there once again.

    After class I had a conversation with another person that I always see in class. She is a lovely woman with a huge aura surrounding her every time that I see her. We spoke about where we were born and what we do here in NYC. Then when I asked her what she does for a living, she answered, "I just enjoy life". Well I dont' have to tell you that her answer stopped me in my tracks. I complimented her on her good fortune or choice and I did not pry any further. I am not sure what she does, but I love that answer and I will leave it at that. I spoke to her about BIkram yoga and she had never heard of it. Even that was very cool, because I had never met anyone who had not heard of Bikram. But in all seriousness, what a pleasant conversation we had. Soon I will know the whole class by first names no matter when I go.

   We have chai waiting for us when the class is over and it is so great. I make it a habit to serve at least 3 people before myself and it has created such a nice thread of selflessness for me after each time. Its always the little steps in this life right? So I forgot to mention something. I did have a little bit of an emotional moment in class today. Somewhere around when she asked us what we wanted and what it feels like to us. I am not sure if it was because I knew what I wanted or because of where my mind went last night. Either way, we also were asked to send love and compassion to someone and I did that as well. All is well and happening as it should. I thank you for reading..



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