I expect to wake up tomorrow morning.
I expect to see the sun up in the sky all day.
I expect to be breathing for the entire day, all day tomorrow and the day after, and the day after.
I expect to be able to hear people when we they speak to me.
I expect to eat food at least 3 times tomorrow.
I expect to get water when I turn the faucet on each and every time.
What is the down side of all of these statements? The down side is that we all seem to get into trouble when we attach the word "expectation" to those that we love, care for, or are deeply connected to. A few days ago, I had a conversation with a woman who has a child who is now an adult. He is married and he has a total of of 4 children that he inherited from marrying his wife. His relationship with his wife is incredible, he adores her. The unfortunate thing is that his relationship with his mother is not so good these days. His wife sees things in a way that is very irritating to his mother. She means well, however, her attitude could not be more counter to this young man's mother.
The young man's mother "expects" more respect, she "expects" more hospitality, she"expects" to be treated like the person who brought this fine young man into this world. Unfortunately, she is treated like what she does, says, or suggests, is not important and is not necessary. As we speak and I listen very carefully, I realize that this young woman is renting space in this mature woman's head for free and is really causing a ruckus. We talked it over. Not in a fashion that offered the clear cut answer, but rather, focusing on her. In short, she felt since this woman was always making it hard on her that she would basically set up a road block for her later on in life. I have used a play on words to get my point across in that last sentence. By road block, I meant that when my good friend passes away, she wants the will to say that this woman cannot have ownership of her house no matter what. She is making it so that her son can own the house , but not live in it if she is still with him. Can you say, "karma rising?".
I read some where a long time ago that we build mental fences to keep things out. However, if we are not careful we can build the wall so high that we cannot get out either. We spoke of karma and how it works in such a diligent way. We also touched on how this little struggle between her and the wife could hurt her son or maybe even possibly the children. So when we do not get what we expect from another person, what do we do? Generally we say that the person has issues or is just not seeing things the right way. We generally take ourselves out of the equation so that we can focus on the deficits in the other person. This causes so much internal stress and toxic energy. I have come to realize that it actually works better in reverse. If we look for what is hurting us inside then we can get through many more things in the end.
We all have expectations of others in this life. The problem is that not everyone will agree with your expectations. You may verbalize them or keep them to yourself, either way we have them. So how much do we compromise to meet others expectations? Are we doing it for our own personal gain through the ego or are we doing it just to keep the peace? Who on this earth will live their entire life following the expectations of others? What each of have is valuable and precious. We all feel things and we all should be met with respect. However, that would be in a perfect world. So the best that we can do is create that respect and have faith that it finds its way back to us. We cannot waiver, we have to stay solid in our behavior. Compromising with another for the collective good of the unit is one of the most beautiful things in life. As I had written in another posting, each of us needs all of us. We may not be traveling down the same road, but we are all making an effort to moving towards the same destination. That destination in my opinion, is to having a peaceful and harmonious life.
Nothing is as it is at all times. If we expect it to be, we are setting ourselves up for failure. I have been there and I take careful care not to be there again.
I have to really dig deep on this one today....wow